Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
