I just saw a hot homeless man
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
