This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
