I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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