Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
