I saw his package. It spoke to me.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
