look no pants
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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