Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize