I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
