woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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