I wannas sexs uuuuu
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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