Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Farmville is her only friend.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I intend to get homeless drunk
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
