At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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