omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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