Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
