hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize