ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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