did you get engaged???
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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