He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
