your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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