im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
