He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
This is my gift to your gina
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
