I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I didn't notice because vodka
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
