she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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