Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
