I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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