i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize