Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
