he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
