someone threw a dead crab at me
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Randomize
