It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
