Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
