I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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