Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
