fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
