a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
