A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
