Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
