Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
