i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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