I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
...so i touched it.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
