nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
