I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
