What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
