She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
