u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I need help removing her.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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