I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
