isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
