Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
