I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
