maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
