i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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