U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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