You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
