dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize