hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
