Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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