I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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