I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My bed smells like the plague
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
