I bet he comes in French.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
