he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
