How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
