Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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