im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
