Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
