I want to have your abortion
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
