Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
