This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
